Bored Angels

The Arch Angels, Jeff and Matt, were bored. It was a Wednesday, mid-week, hump day. There were no Lenten services, it was the wrong season. Choir practice was done for the year. No one was getting married, no one had died–although Jeff told Matt he smelled like someone had crawled up his ass and expired. “It’s the stale communion wafers! They always give me gas, you know that!”

“Well why do you eat them then?”

“You know very well why–Blood of Christ, Body of Christ–we’re angels, what else can we eat? So I binge on the leftovers once in a while, forgive me!”

“Whatever…”

Bored angels were generally not a good thing. Of course there were all the rules. No interfering with an individuals right to choose good versus evil. No showing yourself to those still alive. No playing cupid, except of course on St. Valentine’s day. Being an angel wasn’t all fun and games. In fact, that was Jeff’s major complaint. He figured it should be all fun and games. “I mean really, I got the golden ticket, right? Why not flowing chocolate fountains?”

“Let’s go check out that big Leadership conference of the Order of the Holy and Pious. I think it started yesterday in Geneva.”

“Sure, it could be interesting. There’s plenty to talk about what with global health crisis’s, child pornography, drug abuse, trashy ecosystems, opportunity inequity, hunger…”

“Well, lot’s has been getting better, too. You shouldn’t always keep harping on the negative! Accentuate the positive!”

“Whatever, let’s see what some of the break-out groups are studying.”

“…we’ll need to increase security to assure safety post-transition, of course…”

“… abstinence, that’s God’s way. We’ll crack down on those having relations for reasons other than procreation! I mean, really, if I had only known what I know now when I was a teenager…”

“…welcome you all to Protecting Yourself from Lawsuits – 1001. This class is vital to the fiscal preparedness of the…”

“…attendance numbers are down in the United States and Europe, let’s hope that the conversion focus on Latin American and Africa can bring back…”

“Oh my God, this just makes me want to break into the communion wine!”

“Come on, Matt. This is worse than being bored. Let’s go see if we can save some poor slob from slitting his wrists over the futility of trying to house, clothe and feed his family of four on his two, no benefits, part-time jobs at McBurgers and Walsmart.”

The inspiration for this story came from my nephew’s drawing.